The Expendables 2 Review

It's safe to say that 'The Expendables 2' is the film 'The Expendables' should have been. The original film, directed by none other than Sylvester Stallone, teased us by featuring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis. However we never really got what we wanted. We wanted to see these badasses go to battle, shoulder to shoulder. Now with the sequel we get that, and more.

'The Expendables 2' is a bad movie, however it's my favourite kind of bad movie. The one that knows exactly how bad it is and doesn't give a rat's ass. Instead, it just goes all out on violence and stupidity. Unlike the first film the humor in this one works. Sure, most of it's funny moments consist of movie references that are as subtle as an armour piercing bullet to the head. But it's all in good fun and I, for one, can't get enough of Schwarzenegger's hilarious delivery of the line ''I'll be back!''.

Taking over directing duties is Simon West, an experienced director whose 'Con Air' still ranks as one of the most enjoyable action flicks of the '90s. The film feels a lot less tired than its predecessor and gives us a good blend of over the top violence and comedy. Of course, it's the talent in front of the camera that people are interested in. And as if the first film wasn't star-studded enough Stallone found some other well-known faces.

Aside from Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Willis, Jet Li, Jason Statham and Dolph Lundgren the sequel adds Jean-Claude van Damme and Chuck Norris to the mix. Norris, whose image has been inflated by a dated internet hype, feels shoe-horned in and his introduction marks yet another cinematic insult to Ennio Morricone's iconic theme for 'The Good, The Bad and The Ugly'.

No, of all the stars in this movie there are two who really steal the show. First is Jean-Claude van Damme, whose aptly-named character Vilain is wonderful. His playful but violent behaviour makes him a great adversary for the rather bland Stallone character. The other actor is Dolph Lundgren who, with his Lurch-like appearance, manages to pull off some of the film's best gags.

Basically, 'The Expendables 2' has everything you might want in an action movie. There's carnage, explosions, lame oneliners, a good villain and a familiar cast. Some of the CGI might not be up to snuff but aside from that you get a ludicrous amount of loud noises and fancy fistfights. It's definitely good enough to warrant another sequel. Rumour has it that Wesley Snipes, Harrison Ford and Clint Eastwood are being considered to join the cast. If any of those fellows end up in part three my butt is in the seat for sure!

Total Recall Review

One can't help but imagine what Paul Verhoeven would think if he saw today's remake of 'Total Recall'. His 1990 science-fiction movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sharon Stone is a minor genre classic. Only twenty-two years later Len Wiseman comes up with a new take on Philip K. Dick's story 'We Can Remember It for You Wholesale'.

Colin Farrell stars as Douglas Quaid, an ordinary guy in the midst of an identity crisis. He's married to the beautiful Melina (Jessica Biel), has a boring job as a factory worker and has a drinking buddy called Harry (Bokeem Woodbine). Quaid's world is ruled by Chancellor Cohaagen (Bryan Cranston) who's having a hard time defending his state against a group of rebels led by Matthias (Bill Nighy). 

To get rid of his depression Quaid visits a company called Rekall which specializes in manufacturing and implanting memories. The lowly factory worker dreams of being a double agent and before he knows it he's suddenly wanted by both Cohaagen and Matthias. Unlike the original the film never explores the question if everything's real or not. Instead simplifies the story by assuming it’s the real thing. Quaid turns out to be a double agent called Hauser and that's the end of that.    

Wiseman honours his name by not trying to go for a shot-for-shot remake of the original movie. Instead he takes out some key story elements and replaces them with less inspired ones. While Verhoeven's film took place on both Mars and Earth, this adventure is set in a post-apocalyptic Great-Britain and Australia. Connecting the two islands is a tube, named The Fall, that goes straight through the Earth's core. Ridiculous, I know, but just the right kind. 

The Fall is probably the most interesting concept this film comes up with. The rest of the world created for this movie feels bland and fake, it’s like a watered down take on material from better movies. It's fine to take inspiration from other films but this is just lazy. There's even a three-breasted prostitute in a cynical attempt to appease fans of the original 'Total Recall'. Trust me, that film had a lot more things going for it than a lady with three dinglebobbers. 

Anyway, for a movie with a lot of chase sequences it's not that exciting. In fact, there's only one major set piece that grabbed my attention. It featured a group of fast elevators that moved around like a game of Tetris. The trick for Quaid was not to get squashed or shot by Cohaagen's henchmen. The villain himself, played by the always formidable Bryan Cranston, is somewhat of a moron. I mean, if you're only hours away of becoming the ruler of the world it's only wise to stay away from your enemies. This guy, he's wondering through as many violent scenes as he can with little protection. 

In conclusion it's hard to believe this movie could have been any less effective. It's taken a solid science-fiction film based upon some fertile material and instead of doing something new or interesting they watered it down to a forgettable chase movie. It's a shame because it's the first of Paul Verhoeven's wonderfully subversive science-fiction films to be remade. 'RoboCop' and 'Starship Troopers' are already underway. Let's hope they turn out better than 'Total Remake'. Until then, you're better off giving the original film a spin.